Nazreen Fazal Post



July 8, 2017,

There's a part of you that never grows up. One which yearns affection and care and protection always. In your childhood you had your parents cater to that part. And then one day the rug is pulled from under your feet and in an instant you are thrust into adulthood. Suddenly there's no one to look out for you, no one to tell you what to do and what not to do, no one to guide you to safety. So we falter and flounder through life blindly, trying hard to grope our way through it.

I am not even the kind of person who spends every waking hour clinging to family. I sometimes delay making calls, I forget birthdays and anniversaries, and on some days dread large family functions. Yet, I need my parents. And although I have been living away from them since I turned 18, I have never quite gotten over that separation.

This time when I was returning from Uganda my heart was incredibly heavy. Something in my chest hurt. And my throat had a lump which only freed itself when I reached home in Saudi, laid on my bed, and burst into tears. I wept like a child separated from her parents. For I was. I realize that nothing really fills the void in your existence that is separation from your parents. Even though we have all this technology that can connect us in seconds, there's nothing that can replace the comfort and security you feel in your very bones when your parents are right there with you.

Having an incredible spouse helps. Having a great job and fun pastimes help. Having a good social circle helps. But all this will never quite cover up the hurt of not having your parents close by.

Such is life though. You constantly have dear parts of you broken and taken away from you. But you also get other things that make sure that you - at your core- never really shatter. At the end of the day, life itself becomes the glue that holds you together. You just learn to walk with the shadow of your broken parts. And that's enough for now.


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