Nazreen Fazal Post

LIFE

Motherhood is guilt!

July 20, 2018,

Motherhood is guilt. After overwhelming, overpowering love, guilt is what defines motherhood. I did not expect it to hit me with such force. I mean I'd read about it from other women and witnessed my own mom torment herself with it for things she had no control over, like our health issues. But I still didnt expect it to hit me with such force from day 1. Small bump on her arm? My fault. Isn't napping much in the daytime? Oh no she is going to have developmental issues. Crying a bit longer?Omg i broke her! I. Just. Can't. Stop. Feeling. Guilty.
Motherhood is guilt.
Going back to work makes me feel guilty but I know not going would also make me feel shit.
Motherhood is guilt and there's no way of making it better. But there are ways to make it worse and society is already doing a good job of ensuring all mothers are constantly feeling guilt.

Stay at home mom? You are a bad role model.
Work outside mom? You aren't an involved mother.
Breastfeeding mom? We will shoot you dirty looks if you nurse in public but if your child cries out of hunger we will judge you.
Formula feeding mom? You are less of a mom and lazy even though you probably sacrifice sleep every night to sterlize bottle and feed your child.
Mom who follows her dreams? You are selfish
Mom who sacrificed her dreams? You are a bad example.

There's just no way we can win because we are constantly being compared against an ideal that doesn't exist. The bar for being a good mom is so so ridiculously high that we have given up. While a dad just needs to "babysit" his own child once in a while to be awarded "Dad of the year". (Shout out though to tge fully involved, amazing dads out there)

Motherhood is guilt and I can't get over this guilt that now seems to come way too naturally. But what I can hope for is a more considerate society that doesn't make a sport out of guilt tripping mothers. Let there be less of mom shaming and more of gifting chocolates and flowers to moms every day. Ok, I got carried away, but you get the point.

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