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Sanskari Guide to Sanskari Cooking

January 31, 2018,

Sanskari Guide to Sanskari Cooking

I have noticed that education and exposure to other ways of thinking has corrupted the girls of today, making them demand ridiculous things like basic rights and respect. This is against our culture and values. As a #SanskariNari ???? I want to bring back our ways and #MakeLifeRegressiveAgain
As a service to our Sanskari society, I'd like to offer my humble but deficient (I am a woman after all) guide to returning to our sanskari roots. It all begins in the kitchen. ????????

First things first, pull your girls out of schools and colleges. They risk cross contamination since education is worse than food poisoning due to salmonella. Worry not, just brainwash them thoroughly under a steady stream of cultural expectations and then wipe them clean with Ekta Kapoor's Hindi serials. The next part of this guide is addressing the girls directly. Please read it out to them.

Now girls, let's start with the first step. Cleanliness. Shower and wash away all the dirt that is dreams and ambitions. Clothe yourself in the finest sanskari robes weaved with a million 'log kay kahenge' and step into the kitchen. Let's start with onions. The trick to cutting an onion quickly is to remember all the times you have been catcalled and groped in public. Channel that rage onto the knife and watch the onion become paste in minutes. Onion tears are inevitable, so you might as well remember that you have a degree but aren't allowed to work because you might come in contact with 'strange men'. All Indian dishes require tomatoes as much as our top politicians need misogyny. So be generous with them tomatoes. Garlic adds that extra twist, that suspense, the feeling you have while riding cabs alone or walking down deserted streets at night. You don't know what's gonna hit you when.

Take out the iron pan.???? Careful! It's heavy. But not as heavy as the burden of protecting yourself from rape. So you got it covered, girl! (Literally. Or you are asking for it.) Add some pure desi ghee. Remember, your character has to be purer than that. Now add the onions and saute them till they turn a nice brown, the kind of brown that needs fair and lovely to get a job and marriage proposals. Add the garlic. Now tomatoes ???????????? and watch them ooze the juice till they become as mushy as desi uncles and aunties when they find out you are an engineer who stays at home to serve the in laws. Add half a teaspoon each of chilli powder, turmeric, garam masala and a generous tablespoon of your broken dreams. Let them stew well till you can smell your half lived life in the air. At this point you can add frozen carrots and peas to make it a hearty meal. (Please note, if you don't have good news soon we'll have to freeze your eggs along with the vegetables too.) And voila your sanskari curry is ready to be devoured! By the men first, of course.


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