10 Life Lessons For My Younger Self

Dear younger me,

I write this with a few years worth of perspective in my purse and some experience to show. I wish to explain some things you might not yet know. Life lessons you won’t find in your study guides and course manuals.

1. Silence is not your enemy. It is as awkward as you make it. Do not mistake it for emptiness, don’t see it as a void you have to fill. On some days silences are blessings. Between loved ones, an easy silence is the biggest sign of a love that has blossomed well. So do not rush to fill the gaps. Appreciate the pauses, for they make sure that the words that follow are heard well and heard loud.

2. Solitude is not loneliness. Learn to live by yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin irrespective of where you are and with whom. One maybe surrounded by thousands of people and still feel alone. Make yourself so interesting that you can be with yourself no matter what time or place. Use this time to look inward and really get to know yourself.

3. Talk to strangers. This goes against conventional wisdom but it is one of the best ways to grow. Talk to people who are like you. Talk to those who are against everything you stand for. Talk to the old man who sells tea. Talk to the co passenger you spend an hour of your commute with. Talk to anyone who looks like they have a story to tell. You will not realise it, but each story you hear contributes to building a rich inner world within you. It breaks many of the stereotypes you have tucked in your brain and opens your heart to others. It will even open doors to things you didn’t know you needed to do/see/experience.

4. Fail more. One of my biggest regrets in life is not failing more. Failing teaches you to not take yourself too seriously. It forces you to take a hard look at yourself and pinpoint where you went wrong. It makes you develop a thick skin that can face anything. It helps you understand what works and what doesn’t. And most importantly, it keeps you grounded.

5. Do not rely too much on passion. We all keep hearing about how we must be passionate about the work we do. Passion is made out to be this switch that makes you churn out great work in an instant. It makes it seem like anything you can’t do well you may not be passionate about. This is wrong. Anything in life needs effort. It’s only through effort that you develop skill. Passion is only the water that keeps your boat afloat. For you to move ahead, you have to paddle the oars yourself. Don’t think that passion will blow as a wind that will carry you forward. It won’t. Keep working on what you are passionate about- be it writing, painting, singing, people watching (okay maybe not that). Put in the hours and see the result for yourself.

6. Give yourself time and space to grow. Don’t set the bar so high that looking at it makes you dizzy. Focus on the goal without losing sight of where you are. Take one tiny step each day towards that goal. Your leg may tremble and they may hurt a lot but a 1000 such steps later, you are a 1000 steps ahead of where you were before. Which is better than being stuck at the start line, wondering how you will ever win the race.

7. Not all advice is golden, some are cheap plastic. Not all people have your best interests at heart. You will learn this the hard way. Be open to advice but realise that some people will not give you advice for you to grow. They will give it to boost themselves and their ego. Take what works for you and don’t feel guilty about tuning out the rest. (Even this letter!)

8. Don’t attach your worth to something outside of you. Not to a person. Not to someone’s opinion of you. Not to a relationship. Not to a job. Not to your wealth. If you do that, your entire wellbeing and self esteem becomes tied to that thing/person. Now if that thing breaks or that person abandons you, what happens? You will be shattered. Don’t let that happen. Remember that you are you even if on a rusty bike or a chartered plane. You are the same you in tattered clothes as you are in designer wear. Your core is independent of money, status, and people. Keep it that way.

9. Be your own biggest well wisher. Make choices that contribute to a better you in the long term. Treat yourself with reverence. Meet your physical, emotional, and mental needs. Tend to the wear and tear that life inflicts on you after each cycle of wash in its machine. No one is going to do the maintenance work, roll up your sleeves and do it yourself.

10. Work constantly and consistently on your relationship with God. In this highly consumeristic society, spirituality is painted as misplaced priority. As though it doesn’t belong. It does. Tend to your relationship with God. Live for something bigger than yourself. Serve God by serving those around you. Share your skill and time and resources to make the world a slightly brighter place. When the time comes to leave, people should remember more than just your name.

Love,

Me