Dear Baby Z,

After 42 days in your home country you have come to another land. To a home where you won’t really be ever fully “at home”. You are too young to notice, but these temporary reunions and farewells with loved ones are probably going to be a part of your life for some time. I don’t know how I can prepare you for something that’s going to be fulfilling and heart breaking at the same time. Here’s how it’s going to be -You are overjoyed to be back together with your loved ones yet at the back of your mind you are reluctantly crossing off dates to when you will have to leave them behind again. The thought of leaving doesn’t let you enjoy that moment with them because fully immersing yourself means having a more difficult time extracting yourself from the nurturing warmth that is your family.

Z, you are one of the lucky ones. To have a family. One that cares for you so much. Your uncle B (who doesn’t want you to call him uncle) loves holding you and somehow has a knack of putting you to sleep. Uncle S gave you your most unique gift- a way to record your tiny footprints. Your grandpa is not much of babies person and yet he loves the daily pictures of you I spam the family WhatsApp group with. You spent most of your time with your Mamma’s Umma, who’s the reason mamma has been sane this whole time. Your grandma has held you as I caught up sleep, cleaned you up during nights I was too exhausted to get out of bed, played with you endlessly. All while also entertaining the numerous guests who have come to see you over the last months. Oh so many guests, Z! I have lost track of the aunts and uncles and cousins who came from across Kerala just to hold, kiss you and gift you the cutest outfits. The love you got is nourishing and you are flourishing into a happy baby because of it.

Z, you are going to find out anyway, so I might as well be the first one to break it to you: goodbyes are going to get more and more painful. At one point even heartbreaking. It will be tough to say goodbye to your parents, to your annoying siblings, to your aging grandparents. Goodbyes will get even more painful when you realize you will miss so much of each other’s life or that there’s a chance the one you are bidding farewell to might not be there to see you next time . You will feel a deep pit in your stomach and a lump in your throat. But this is life, baby. Goodbyes are there to make us grateful for what we have and cherish it while we have it.

Now begins a new chapter in a new place. We promise to try and make this home for you baby. Inshallah.

Love,

Mamma