'I WILL ADJUST IT?!'

Y’all asked for my awful but funny in hindsight eyebrow story, so here you have it.

So, I have been a caterpillar eyebrow kinda girl since birth. My eyebrows have no personality. You can say my eyebrows are the Imran khan (the bollywood one) of eyebrows. So lacking in life are they that they need eyebrow CPR. Having straight eyebrows mean you always look kinda bored or pissed. I am sure those with bushy eyebrows can relate.

Anyway, there was a time in uni that I used to get it threaded. Not shaped. I’d get the middle monstrosity removed. Basically eyebrow divorce to separate my left from the right. I’d go to parlours in India where you can get this thing done for 10 bucks. Then in Malaysia it became more expensive but I still needed two eyebrows instead of one, so I decided to part with my money.

One day my friend and I were out in central KL shopping and we see an Indian parlour. Both of us needed to get threading done on various parts of our face (#browngirlproblems) so we decided to make a pit stop to harvest our facial hair. We enter this dingy parlour (should have taken that as a red flag) and see a nervous north Indian lady sitting in the corridor. She had the air of someone about to be interviewed. We ignore her and get in.

It’s my turn. The beautician asks me to lie down on the massage table. (Second red flag, why should I lay flat to get eyebrows threaded? This is against the core principles of threading) She doesn’t start threading. Instead, she calls the nervous north indian lady (N cube L) and asks her to thread my Imran Khans. So this is the interview. And my brows are the test. And I am the participant who hasn’t given consent. Before I can say anything N cube L starts threading. As she is threading the beautician is tsk tsking and shaking her head disapprovingly. I don’t even feel the pain of hair being ripped out of their comfortable homes because I don’t know wth is going on. Then, after what seemed like eternity, she stops N cube L and says ‘What is this? This is so thin. You don’t even know how to do it. Leave it. I will adjust it.’

I WILL ADJUST IT?!’

ADJUST?!

THESE ARE MY BROWS THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. You can ‘adjust’ the spice in a curry, or the cheeni in the chai, or the gaumutra in a bhakt, but YOU DON’T ADJUST A GIRL’S FRIKKIN EYEBROWS.

So long story short, the beautician took over and ravaged my eyebrows. I walked around with super malnourished eyebrows that looked like stick figure limbs for a couple of weeks. The thing with eyebrows too thin is that you look constantly surprised or like a Hindi Serial vamp. I looked like a surprised vamp. Lesson learnt- don’t volunteer your face to any aspiring beautician. Or you will have to put up with ‘adjusted’ eyebrows