To Those Who Beat Their Children

Spanking ones child is considered a god given right in most Asian cultures. Many parents here don’t think twice before slapping, pinching, or taking out the much feared ‘daddy’s belt’ to “discipline” their children. This abuse is so pervasive in our culture that even in schools many teachers resort to corporal punishment if their student is seen as falling behind in the classes. Sometimes it is done in public, absolutely humiliating the child.

However, in a majority of these cases, the physical abuse is not inflicted for disciplining the child. It is done to take out the frustration of the adult. The child is just a punching bag for stressed out adults who are angry at their bosses/spouses/the world. They are using someone under their authority as a venting machine.

What are you teaching a child when you hit them for doing something wrong? You are teaching them that force is a legitimate option to overpower someone under your authority or physically inferior to you. You are teaching them that violence is an effective corrective measure. You are taking away from them the ability to resolve disagreements or scuffles amicably, with reason and compassion. And then you exclaim exasperatedly “Why is this generation so obsessed with violence?” Because you are teaching them that!

I understand the urge to set things right with force. I must admit that there have been occasions when I’ve seen an extremely unruly child, wreaking havoc everywhere, and wondered why the parents don’t just “give him one”. But that’s the result of my culture conditioning me into thinking that force is necessary for good behaviour, for better results.

We are not okay with an adult hitting another adult when there is a disagreement. But we don’t mind when an adult hits a child. Why is that? In the former situation, the other adult atleast has some power to retaliate. But the child is powerless because we are basically telling them that “You are small. You are insignificant. A person more powerful can and will use force to get the powerless one to obey.” How isolating it must feel when the person who is supposed to care for you the most is the one who scares you the most.

Don’t mistake me, I’m not promoting a world where kids run helter-skelter without any discipline or supervision of adults. I am simply saying do not hit a small child. The physical bruises of your blows may fade away, but the wound it inflicts on the mind and soul of that child is never going to heal completely. It will manifest either as insecurity and low self-esteem as an adult or in another abuse cycle in other relationships. You are creating bullies and wife beaters.

With each child you hit, an adult is born with lesser empathy, the threshold is lowered for impatience and intolerance. With each frustrated slap you mould an adult who believes might is right. And when entire communities do this, we are left with a society that gives too much power to its authorities to suppress its weak and powerless. Don’t go looking for compassion then, there won’t be any left.

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