the desi community!

‘But I am only trying to help,’ she says after a particularly mean comment that she knows will hurt you.

But I am only saying it for your good,’ he says post his extremely useless, unsolicited advice that has turned your parents against you.

We all have such people in our lives. They aren’t there when you are in need of genuine help, a shoulder to cry on, or just a willing ear.

But they will swoop in when things are particularly shitty just to give you hollow ‘advice’ or comments that are intended to cause pain.

I see this especially in our desi community. Got an unmarried daughter who’s past 25? Tough luck for you and your daughter. You will have a barrage of queries from concerned ‘well wishers’ who ask you to be less picky, lower your standards, and basically marry the first thing that has an xy chromosome and is above 18. If you are the unmarried person, weddings will be ruined for you because either the guests will look at you like you are a malnourished orphan who just lost the one last good thing in her life, or they will come and try to set you up every bachelor in the vicinity.

I think a lot of us have developed mechanisms and comebacks to deal with such people, but we flounder when these ‘I am only trying to help’ types approach our parents and elders with ‘concerns’ about us. The last thing we want to see is our parents get hurt because of us. And these people are making it quite damn tough by blabbering stuff that alarms our fathers and mothers.

In my inbox I have messages from girls whose parents are stopping them from studying because someone said they can’t get married if they are too educated. I have messages from girls who are not married yet and have to see their mothers shed tears because close relatives say unkind comments masquerading as ‘I just want the best for them’s and ‘Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you’s. I have heart broken men and women who aren’t able to marry the person they like because some stupid aunt or uncle raised some non-issue and convinced their families not to proceed.

Here’s a simple ADVICE for people who do this work of the devil by creating divisions between parents and children. Your nose doesn’t belong in anyone’s business except your own. Here’s a Venn diagram in case it isn’t clear. I am only saying it for your own good. ??